My parents raised me in a gender-neutral manner. There were no influencing me toward playing sports, getting dirty and being emotionally strong. They adopted a fairly Laissez-faire philosophy with how they taught me values and making goals for myself - there was no typical strict Asian family environment that emphasized schoolwork all the time that I hear about. I played board games, rode bikes, played kickball, tried to learn how to swim, flew kites, build model air planes, read pop-up books and played with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (I had all of them, and Splinter, and the Yellow Bus that shot cannons you could fit all four turtles inside, and a Rafael Halloween costume with plastic nunchucks, and Power Rangers...oh yes, Power Rangers). Very gender-neutral. I have no qualms about how I turned out because it allowed me to explore and do many things, make a lot of mistakes (of which there are some I'm still paying for) and learn how the world works on my own. My parents didn't push anything on me.
My brother, on the other hand, very much wanted to instill in me aspects of tough masculinity and rugged individualism. He'd push me around, verbally slash me and tested how I would react to adversity. He never took it easy on me on anything and his competitiveness, to this day, I can say helps to make me mentally stronger than I used to be as a "young punk" in high school. He's 13 years my elder and twice my size so it was no picnic defending myself. I love him for that. He's 35 now and has a 4-month-old boy, whom my brother has not instilled the typical gender male attitude. My brother and his wife have decorated the baby's room with green, bought clothes that are mostly white and red and treat the 'lil booger like precious gold, if gold could poop and sneeze. I guess things are different when you have your own child.
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Do you think your parents raised you different than your older brother? I have a younger brother, and it seems my parents pushed me towards boy-type activities at a very young age. I only played with boy toys and did all the typical sports. My younger brother on the other hand, did not take too well to sports, and acted differently than me. He joined the band and acted out a lot. The question I'm posing is do you believe your parents raised your older brother in a more male-dominated way than you? And if so, which do you think is better, or are both acceptable? I thought your post was very interesting in that respect.
ReplyDeleteI probably can't comment very well on that.
ReplyDeleteThe reason my brother's 13 years older than me is because two years after he was born in '73, my dad was drafted into the Vietnam war and was a prisoner of war at a North Vietnam VC camp from 1975 to 1985. I was born in '86 after he was released and my mom raised my brother alone during this time from when he was 2 to 12. I would say he was raised in a male-dominated fashion out of necessity than as a result of social preference considering the hardship he experienced. They were just happy to have me at all given the circumstances.
As a kid I did anything just to get out of the house - played sports from 3rd to 8th grade, was in the band for a year, sang in chorus, volunteered, ran charity races, etc. That could explain why I never want to leave the house now...burnt out.